


Birthday!

by Laurasauras



Series: Elevatorstuck AU [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Birthday, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes, so much goddamn fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: For 4/13, eight months after John gets stuck in an elevator with Dirk, it's his birthday!So much fluff.





	Birthday!

In the eight months since you got trapped in an elevator with a handsome stranger, your life has sure changed a lot! It wasn’t just going from thinking you just had never met the right girl to suddenly meeting the right _boy_ , though Dirk was plenty life-changing all on his own. It was meeting his friends and family, both of you traveling literally hundreds of miles to see each other (you have a google alert setup for cheap flights to Houston and you’ve flown at some really strange times to save some money; he refuses to fly but forces his Frankenstein monster of a car to make the journey almost as often as you do) and being encouraged to think about what you want to do for the rest of your life.

And now it’s your birthday, and Dirk will be arriving any minute with “a surprise”. He messaged you when he left, like he always does, and you told him you wouldn’t reply to any messages he sent you behind the wheel no matter how voice activatey his phone is, like you always do. You don’t even reply to him when he says he’s taking a break from driving, because you did that the first time and then three hours later he arrived and you were still texting him. He’s sneaky like that. It’s taking him longer than usual this time, but you imagine that something has just gone wrong with the car and he’s been forced to make some creative mechanical nonsense up. That, or he’s bringing Dave with him. Dave forces Dirk to actually take rest breaks. Which, considering the crazy distance between the two of you seems very reasonable.

Dirk told you last time he brought Dave, but it would be pretty like him to call himself a surprise and insist Dirk keep the secret! But you won’t get your hopes up too much. You’ll have fun either way!

You leave off staring out the window of your bedroom because you know that you’ll hear him pull up and your grandma always said that if you watched something it took longer. You’ve cleaned your room to death, you’ve played three games of solitaire on the carpet and one on the computer, you’ve braved half an hour downstairs with your dad. You have nothing to do!

You sit on your desk chair and spin around.

Oh! Looks like someone’s messaging you!

gutsyGumshoe [GG] has begun pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:11am 

GG: Happy birthday, John! 

EB: and happy birthday to you too!!! 

GG: Gosh, I really don’t like to mark the passing of my age all that much. 

GG: But thank you, anyway. 

GG: As a dear friend once told me, 

GG: “janey if thye don kno WEHN yur borthday is, then they CNANOT kno fo sho that you EVEN AEGD AT ALL” 

GG: [sic] 

EB: oh wow! that is like barely comprehensible! 

GG: To be fair, she’s gotten a lot better. Still typos all over the place, but thankfully that’s now thanks to typing so gosh darned fast, not from … 

EB: yeah! she’s gotten so much better!!! 

GG: So! Callie and I should be arriving in about half an hour. Are you ready for us? 

EB: soooooooo ready! i’ve just been staring out the window like a dweeb 

GG: Waiting for your Mr Strider, I take it? 

EB: yeah :) 

GG: I’m sure he’ll be there soon. 

EB: man i hope so! it feels like forever!!!! 

GG: John, you literally flew to Texas last week. 

EB: ten days ago!!!!!!!!! 

EB: FOREVEERRRR!!!! 

EB: i just like his face, shut up!! 

GG: D’aw, that’s very sweet. 

GG: Anyway, I have to go. See you soon! 

gutsyGumshoe [GG] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:20am

You’re tempted to look out the window again, but that will just make you frustrated. You decide to message someone else to pass the time.

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] 11:21am 

EB: rose! entertain me! 

TT: I would love to devote my rather considerable means of entertainment to you. 

TT: Ordinarily I would be quite tickled to see if your craving for diversion would endear you to some prose that under less desperate circumstances you would avoid. 

TT: Unfortunately, I cannot do so. 

TT: You see, there is a rather pressing matter that I must attend to. 

TT: Would that I could delay myself! 

TT: But, alas, every second is precious. 

EB: omg then just do whatever you’re doing you weirdo!!!!! 

EB: how long did it even take you to type that??? 

tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 11:23am

That wasn’t helpful at all! Still, Rose is great. You wish she lived closer, you’ve only met her twice in person! You pat a little rhythm on your desk impatiently.

You’re going to look out the window again.

Predictably, Dirk has not magically arrived in the last ten minutes. You drum your fingers against the window frame and look up and down the street, just in case.

Maybe you’ll go bother your dad.

Woah, is that Jane’s car? She’s early! You race downstairs as quickly as you can go while still keeping your eye out for traps. Birthdays are the best days to prank someone, after all.

Your dad is in the kitchen, predictably. He offers you a whole cake.

‘Uh, no thanks!’ you say. ‘I bet I’m gonna eat so much cake today, don’t want to start too early!’

He offers the cake more forcefully. Yeah, there’s no way there isn’t a trap in it. You take the cake and set it on the bench, look at him challengingly to see if he’ll protest. He smirks slightly and pulls another cake from behind his back.

He _knows_ you don’t even like cake! Oh god, that’s the prank, isn’t it? There are gonna be cakes _everywhere_!

The oven timer goes off and you take the cake so your dad can turn his attention to whatever he needs to. You put the cake on the table because there’s no room on the bench. How are there so many cakes already? What time did he get up to start making these?

‘Dad, there’s two of us! We can’t eat this much!’

Dad points out that Jane and Callie will be over soon. You smile, because the sign for Callie’s name is so cute! And then you frown.

‘That’s four people, Dad! And Jane never eats more than one slice!’

You dad smiles and signs that he hopes Jane brings something from her bakery.

Oh no. She almost definitely will.

You hear the sound of a car pulling up out front and then another. That doesn’t make sense, why wouldn’t Jane just walk? And who is in the other car? Is it Dirk??

You hug your dad round the middle to get some excitement out and run to the front door.

You open it and your :D turns into an :O.

It’s not just Jane and Dirk. It’s Dirk climbing out of a beat up mini-bus and Jane has people in her car too, but you’re too distracted by Dirk in his mechanics wifebeater to care about anything else!

You launch yourself at him and he catches you in a hug because you do it every time and he hasn’t dropped you since, like, the fourth time. He squeezes you close and you bury your face in his neck and breathe him in. He smells like oil and fresh deodorant and just like Dirk.

‘Hey,’ he says, quietly, just for you. You squeeze him tighter. ‘Brought you a surprise.’

You force yourself to stop hugging him, but shift so you have one arm around his waist. You look at your surroundings.

There are so many people! Dave! You let go of Dirk to hug his brother. Dave pats you awkwardly on the back and shoves you back. Karkat! And Terezi! You give them a joint hug. Karkat leans away and Terezi licks your face. It almost balances out, affection wise.

Rose!?!? She waggles her fingers at you and smiles when you notice her and then returns your hug with very little enthusiasm before shoving you away like Dave did. Oh no, they can’t meet, they’re going to be terrible together …

Roxy! You hug Rose’s big sister and she hugs you back so tightly that she picks you up off the ground, and then squeaks when Jade jumps into the hug, too. Jade! Does that mean? Yes! Jake, too! He’s standing a little apart from everyone but you give him a warm hug too, not too long because he doesn’t like too much attention, but enough to show him how happy you are to see him!

You hug Jane and Callie even though you only saw them yesterday as well and that’s everyone! That’s all the hugs! This is so cool!

‘How did you all get here?!’ Your cheeks hurt from smiling too hard, you feel like you need to hold onto someone or you’re going to fly off into space!

‘Dirk!’ Roxy says. ‘And, oh my god, John, you didn’t tell me he was so foxy!’

You look at Dirk. He’s smiling at you and you wish he didn’t have his shades on because they hide his smile and it’s so nice. You take your spot by his side and lean into him.

‘This is your present, by the way,’ Dirk says. ‘I suppose you can have the bus, too, if you want.’

‘You can take its organs for your Frankencar, I don’t mind,’ you say.

He kisses the top of your head. God, you want to just make out with him right away! But all the people! All the amazing people!

‘Right! Time to go inside, I think!’ Jane says, leading the way. Wow, there are, like, ten people! 12 with you and your dad! There is no way you’ll fit them all around the table! Or even in the living room, probably!

You help your dad move in the dining chairs and the desk chair from his office, and Roxy manages to squeeze four people on the couch that you thought was a two seater, so it sort of works. It isn’t even necessary for you and Dirk to share a chair, even though you were totally willing to make that sacrifice. Dad waves hello and offers everyone cake. Dave and Dirk look at the slices they were too polite to refuse nervously. Last time they came together, Dad put an exploding centre in each of their slices. He’s so slick, he managed to cut the cake in front of them and everything, remembering where to cut so as not to set them off and not accidentally take a rigged slice.

Jade doesn’t know to be cautious and bites into hers, ignoring her fork. Coloured dye explodes in her mouth and runs out of it, even as she tries to keep her lips closed. Dad helpfully offers her a napkin.

‘It won’t hurt you if you swallow it,’ you tell her.

‘That’s wha—’ Dave starts, before Dirk kicks him in the ankle. ‘Good to know, safety first and all,’ he finishes. ‘I think I’ll eat mine later.’

Your dad looks at him in a sadly disappointed way. You and Jane can sign-translate, but half the time he doesn’t even need it.

Dave looks from Dad’s plaintive face to the obviously booby trapped piece of cake he’s holding.

‘Mr E, you know I love your baking …’ he says.

Dad breaks out into a smile, the cunning bastard.

Dave looks horrified. He was definitely going to say “but” until Dad made that face.

Everyone watches Dave as he picks up his fork and pokes it tentatively into the centre of the cake. Nothing happens. He slices down with his fork, cutting the cake open. Still nothing. He cuts that piece in half so it’s bite sized. He looks up at Dirk. Dirk nods stoically. He makes a determined face and puts the piece in his mouth.

‘Mmm,’ he says to Dad.

Dad smiles warmly and taps his hand to his chin and then outwards. _Thank you_.

It seems Dave’s slice was not booby trapped. He goes to take another mouthful, and Dad pulls an airhorn from behind his back and sets it off. Dave promptly drops the cake and jumps out of his skin, reaching for his hip reflexley.

Jane sniggers and that sets everyone off laughing.

There are pranks on everyone’s slices, of course, except Dad’s. Jake’s fork is glued to his plate. Callie’s cake is made of plastic. Rose’s makes a loud BANG! when she triggers a sound bomb. Yours straight up explodes, all over you and Dirk. You think your dad did that so you wouldn’t have to actually eat any. Dirk’s doesn’t seem to have anything wrong with it, which makes him incredibly paranoid. You all have a lot of fun, too many people squashed into a room with random things happening loudly!

And the whole time, Dirk has his arm around the back of your chair, keeping contact, eating his cake one handed, gesturing with only half his body. It’s so nice to have him close!

Everyone is staying the night, they all brought camping gear and Dad borrowed a fire pit thingy from a guy at work so you can all sleep outside. It’s warm today, going to get up to 80 degrees, and the weather man promised it won’t rain!

Dave brought a projector and Roxy has a laptop and Jake brought his four hard drives on which he has ALL the movies. Dad’s going to put up a sheet and you’re all going to watch movies in your sleeping bags all night!

You’re so grateful to Dirk for bringing all your friends to you, it must have taken him so far out of his way! But at the same time, you kinda just want a minute alone with him! Which is so silly because you saw him only a week and a half ago and he said he’s going to stay for a whole week this time and you’ll have him to yourself when everyone leaves tomorrow, but still!

You weigh up your options and decide that you’ll go insane if you don’t steal at least a proper kiss from him at some point. He’s constantly pressing kisses to your hair as you sit together but you haven’t even kissed him at all today!

You take your phone out as if you felt it vibrate or something. _Oh, a message!_ you say with your eyebrows. _I had better respond to it!_ Heh, so sneaky.

ectoBiologist [EB] has begun pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 4:13pm 

EB: if i don’t kiss your face soon i’m going to scream!

You show Dirk your screen as if you are sharing a co-worker’s birthday greeting. Nothing suspicious here! No secret messages!

Dirk smirks at you and holds his hand out for the phone. You give it to him.

EB: There is literally no way that we can sneak away that won’t be incredibly obvious. I’ve been thinking the same thing.

One handed and he still bothers to use correct punctuation! What a stupid, cute, stupid guy. You take the phone back.

EB: i can cause a distraction! 

EB: Should I be concerned? Do I want to be so close to you when you do the distraction?

You grin at him and put the phone back in your pocket.

‘Seriously, John, what are you going to do?’ he whispers in your ear.

You ignore him and slide the distraction out of your pocket, hold it behind your back and make sure everyone’s busy talking to each other before you reach behind your back with your other hand, too.

You count in your head as Dirk cranes his neck to try and see what you’re doing and then throw the confetti bomb into the centre of the room just as it’s about to go off.

_BANG!_

At least two people shriek and you think that was Callie who just fell off the couch, but mostly people are giggling and wiping glitter off their faces. It is everywhere.

‘There’s a kitchen sink, a laundry sink and a bathroom sink,’ Jane says with a grin, pointing the directions out. You have to know these things with your family.

You grab Dirk’s hand and pull him towards the kitchen, sneaking out the front door at the last second. He lets you drag him onto his bus and you pull out a handkerchief for each of you. And about ten more. They’re all tied together, it’s hard to pull just two out!

Dirk wipes his mouth off quickly, throws his shades onto the floor of the bus and pulls you in for a kiss. There’s still glitter everywhere and there’s confetti down your collar but you just giggle and kiss him back.

He holds you by the cheeks and kisses you all over your face as you try to stop laughing.

‘You—’ _kiss_ , ‘are—’ _kiss_ , ‘so stupid!’ He smiles at you and you cling to his shirt and grin back. You’re quiet for a while, just looking into each other’s eyes and holding each other.

‘God,’ he says. ‘I am just ridiculously in love with you.’

Your stomach swoops wildly and your skin tingles and you feel yourself grin wider.

‘I love you too!’ you say, and your voice comes out as a squeak. Not how you imagined telling someone you loved them for the first time, squeaking and covered in glitter and on a bus that your boyfriend almost certainly found at a tip. You clear your throat and smile sheepishly.

‘I love you too,’ you say in a more normal voice.

Dirk pulls you in for a more romantic kiss, soft and slow and with just the slightest touches of tongue.

‘We should go back inside,’ he says.

You pout. He kisses your bottom lip.

‘I know,’ you sigh.

You grab a fresh hanky and wipe a bit more glitter from the rest of his face. He does the same for you and then pulls you out of the bus.

You manage to sneak back into the living room while everything’s still in chaos. Your dad sees you and hands you the vacuum. Yeah, fair enough.

Later, as you and Jake try and convince the rest of the group to watch _The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger_ and everyone else wholeheartedly rejects it, you think you’ve probably never had a better birthday.

‘No!’ Rose says, and you think it’s the first time you’ve heard her raise her voice. ‘Because it had a perfect cast and they tried really hard but they abandoned all the weird and meta parts of the series and how the _fuck_ is it supposed to lead into _The Drawing of the Three_ and it’s never going to be properly made and if they would _just accept the screenplays that I wrote!_ ’

‘John, I literally just got her calmed down about this,’ Roxy says sternly.

‘But when he shoots the bullet and it bounces back onto Mcconaughey!’ Jake whispers to you.

‘We’ll watch it together next time,’ you tell him. Jake’s a few years younger than you, but you’ve always got along with him, sometimes even choosing to spend days with him over Jade when you visit them. Jade just has so much energy!

You watch the new _Spiderman_ movie instead, and it’s impossible to critique. Dirk still does, whispering in your ear so he doesn’t disturb anyone else, telling you how he would make the Spiderman suit if it was him.

‘Why don’t you make a super suit?’ you ask. ‘You could totally be Iron Man!’

‘Because the whole premise of superheroes is flawed,’ he tells you.

‘Do _not_ start,’ Dave says. ‘John, you ask him about this later, I swear to god I’ve heard this rant way too many times.’

‘Remind me?’ you say and Dirk squeezes your hand. It’s not the first time Dave has vetoed a conversation and Dirk is always ridiculously pleased when you remember to bring it up again. It’s like he doesn’t expect you to want to hear his ideas, but he’s clever and you love the way he speaks! And he listens to you talk about movies, so it’s only fair.

Dave turns away from you and jumps on top of Karkat and Terezi, who were evidently not paying attention to the movie. He lies limp on top of them like a squashy red slug in his sleeping bag as they try and push him off. You can never keep up with which one of them is dating who, they seem to just swap between each other. Dirk tells you not to worry about it, so you don’t.

Somehow, at midnight, you manage to convince everyone to let you put Con Air on. You’ve swung back and forwards on this movie, but you love it now because it reminds you of seeing it with your dad about a million times and how not a single one of your friends likes it (except Jake) but they still will watch it with you. Dirk says some of Nic Cage’s more cringe-worthy lines along with him, exaggerating his already southern accent. The first time he did this, at his house about a month after you started dating him, you actually stopped the movie so you could make out with him and he didn’t stop making fun of you for a month. He then video chatted you wearing almost the exact same outfit as Nic Cage to continue the joke and somehow you persuaded him to make that his mechanics outfit, even though it doesn’t have a hat on it.

‘Dirk, are you wearing the same fucking clothes as Nic Cage?’ Karkat asks about halfway through the movie.

‘Lucky!’ Jake whispers.

You grin at him.

‘No,’ Dirk says calmly.

Dave crawls over and pulls Dirk’s sleeping bag down a bit.

‘Dude,’ Dirk protests.

‘This is the exact same wifebeater,’ Dave says. ‘Why isn’t there a hat on your shirt? How did I not notice?’

‘You’re imagining things,’ Dirk says.

‘Don’t want to know, don’t want to know,’ Dave says, rolling away with surprising speed for someone in a sleeping bag.

‘This is your fault,’ Dirk tells you. You peck him on the lips.

‘Ooooh!’ Roxy calls.

Dirk gives her the finger. From their conversation earlier you gather that Roxy has already adopted Dirk into her family by doing the traditional ask-too-many-personal-questions thing.

You manage to stay up until nearly four in the morning, but eventually you fall asleep, Dirk’s arm around your waist.

It wakes you up when his warm body disappears. You turn over groggily and see him sitting up, staring out into the distance.

‘Wha?’ you say.

‘Shh,’ he says. ‘Look.’

You pull yourself up and lean against him. Huh, the sun is rising.

‘Did you sleep?’ you whisper.

‘Nah, too many people,’ he says. ‘I’ll sleep tonight.’

‘How long did the drive take?’

‘Made good time,’ he says.

‘Not what I asked!’

‘Shh,’ he says. ‘We stopped in Indianapolis when we picked up the Lalondes, that was … I dunno, bit over 12 hours. Then the rest was … I dunno, 30 hours, it wasn’t a big deal.’

‘Dirk! If you don’t sleep you’ll die!’

‘Shh, John, people are sleeping,’ he says.

You punch him on the shoulder.

‘30 hours is good for the trip I usually do, I’m fine. I’ll have a nap this afternoon when they leave.’

‘It takes me four hours, Dirk, four hours to fly to you!’

‘Shh, Jesus, John,’ he says, laughing a little. He’s not taking you seriously at all.

‘I bet you didn’t let anyone else drive, either.’

‘Do any of them look like they have a bus license?’

‘More like none of them could figure out what weirdey “upgrades” you made.’

‘Just watch the sunrise,’ he says, pulling his arm from his sleeping bag to hold you.

You watch quietly for a while.

‘Did you have a nice birthday?’ he asks.

‘The best,’ you say.

He tilts your chin up so he can kiss you.

‘I’m thinking about maybe going back to college,’ you say when he lets you go.

‘That’s great,’ he says. ‘What do you want to study?’

‘Well … I was thinking teaching. I like managing the store, training new staff, but the best part is doing tricks for the kids that come in. And I was pretty good at schoolwork, I dunno.’

‘You’d be really good at that,’ Dirk says, kissing your hair.

‘You know, the University of Houston has a good program,’ you say, nonchalantly.

Dirk jumps and leans away from you so he can look in your eyes.

‘Are you serious?’ he says.

‘I mean, if that would be too much, I don’t have to be serious? But, yeah.’

‘John, I’ve driven over 60 hours to see you for two days before, I would fucking love it if you were closer. Would you live with me and Dave? Is that weird? We can kick him out if you want your own room, he’s always at Karkat’s anyway. Or we could find a three bedroom place. Or you could live on campus or whatever, I don’t need you in my house, oh my god, imagine a fucking ten minute drive, I think this is the best news I’ve ever heard.’

‘Shh!’ you say, putting your hands on his mouth. He was talking quietly, his voice is always quiet, but he was getting so excited it’s making you giddy! You grin at him.

‘You’d really want me to live with you?’

‘Yes, yes absolutely,’ he says, voice muffled by your hands. You take them away. ‘Worst case scenario, it doesn’t work out and we find somewhere else for you to live. We won’t let it get messy, we’re good, we’re crazy about each other, it’ll be fine.’

You smile and kiss him. He dips you back to the ground and kisses you deeper. You giggle and push him away before someone wakes up and thinks you’re getting friskier than you are.

‘I am going to fucking ravish you when these idiots leave,’ he says huskily in your ear before letting you push him a respectable distance away.

You just force him to be the little spoon and hold him tight, feeling entirely too excited to sleep. You do, anyway, clinging to the boy you love, who loves you back, who’d invite you to live with him that easy.

Best birthday ever.


End file.
